Divorce Digest by Kathy Boyle
Chapin Hill Advisors, Inc. 10-17-19
Emotions can rule…
When a marriage breaks apart, emotions run high. There can be anger, fear, anxiety as well as paralysis. While the current situation has become untenable, life in the next stage is an unknown and can be a bit frightening.
It is easy to fall into the trap of letting your emotions take over but that is detrimental to achieving the outcome you would like to have happen. We encourage our clients going through divorce to “climb into their helicopter”. Metaphorically, rise above the situation and look at it with as little emotion as possible. Try to see the big picture. View the situation as if it were your good friend’s and not your life. What advice would you give her?
Another technique we like to use is putting the emotion in a box or a trunk. We are not discounting the emotions. They are real and matter. However, letting emotions take over during discussions with your soon-to-be-ex will only hamper the ability to maximize the use of your professional advisors to achieve a fair and equitable settlement.
By placing the emotions temporarily in your virtual box, you are free to open the cover and revisit later. You can have a drink with your best friend after the meeting with your ex and vent to your heart’s content.
Stay focused in the meeting with your advisors. You will reap the most out of them, pay the smallest amount of fees as you deal directly with the matters on the table regarding settlement of custody of the children, financial arrangements, housing situations and more.
If you need help, we are here. Our strategy is to provide our clients going through divorce with sets of projections going forward with multiple sets of potential outcomes. This allow our client to see what the future will bring, how much is enough, the difference between taking a lump sum payout versus payments, effects of taxes on items such as the sale of the family home, retirement distributions and more.